Religion states.....

A flaccid penis is a righteous penis.

The original biblical story that brought the wrath of God against those that masturbate was the Genesis tale of Onan.

Are we really ready to believe that catholic priests, bishops, cardinals and the pope do not masturbate at all? That's not believable given the human sexual drive that evolution gave each of us.

One wonders how many members of the Catholic clergy have engaged in auto-Erotic asphyxiation or scarfing. This fascinating sexual play is mostly committed by male teenagers trying for a sexual high. Over 1,000 die every year from this.

It's been known for a long time that the Catholic clergy prefer to analy rape young altar boys.

Synonyms for penis

  • one eyed wonder worm
  • one-eyed wonder weasel
  • Albino cave dweller
  • ding dong
  • meat popsicle
  • mushroom head
  • pecker
  • prick
  • dick
  • trouser snake

Synonyms for masturbation

  • buffing the banana
  • collecting a specimen
  • devil's handshake (catholic school)
  • greasing up the love monkey
  • hand to gland combat
  • having group sex with five friends
  • holding the sausage hostage
  • jacking/jerking off
  • loving the lizard
  • massaging your purple-headed warrior
  • milking the weasel
  • milking the lizard
  • paddling the pickle
  • petting the lizard

All stupid religions (meaning all religions) frown on masturbation for
really stupid reasons. Masturbation is normal. Everybody does it
but no one talks about doing it.... mainly because of religion.

Synonyms for erection

  • woodie
  • hardon
  • stiffie
  • boner

When you see a friend fiddling with his dick because he has an erection, say:
Is that a banana in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?


A father says to his son,
"You really shouldn't masturbate. It'll make you go blind."

The son replies.....
"Dad, I'm over here."

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