Genesis is the cornerstone of religion and is one of the three great pillars allegedly holding up the entire fraud that is religion. Genesis states that God created man. The other pillars are evil and the concept of an afterlife.

It would seem clear that some friend of God wrote this while it was happening. Someone or something had to be there to record this as history. It suggests that God was not alone while he created the universe. The language of Genesis clearly infers that it was written by the inerrant, omnipotent (but gets tired after working six days) god.

The author uses the terms morning, evening and a day even if these are defined by the daily solar cycle.

The sun revolved around the earth until Galileo showed us otherwise.

  1. In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth.

    What did he create the heaven and the earth in, and what was in there before God got in there? Clearly God existed before the beginning. Was he alone?

  2. And the earth was without form, and void; and darkness [was] upon the face of the deep. And the Spirit of God moved upon the face of the waters.

  3. And God said, Let there be light: and there was light.

    God said this to himself since no one else existed. Wierd! No one heard him because he was in the vacuum of space.

    We are still on the first day. The sun gets created on the fourth day. So, what is this first light?

  4. And God saw the light, that [it was] good: and God divided the light from the darkness.

  5. And God called the light Day, and the darkness he called Night. And the evening and the morning were the first day.

    The concept of morning and evening are defined by the daily rotation of the earth around its axis as it rotates around the sun (but we have no sun yet).

  6. And God said, Let there be a firmament in the midst of the waters, and let it divide the waters from the waters.

    Again, God said this to himself since there was no one else! Wierd! Once again, God speaks in the vacuum of space.

  7. And God made the firmament, and divided the waters which [were] under the firmament from the waters which [were] above the firmament: and it was so.

  8. And God called the firmament Heaven. And the evening and the morning were the second day.

    I would guess this is where the angels get created and presumably Satan rebels so he can show up as the serpent in the Garden Of Eden.

  9. And God said, Let the waters under the heaven be gathered together unto one place, and let the dry [land] appear: and it was so.

    God keeps talikng to himself in a vacuum. It must be lonely.

  10. And God called the dry [land] Earth; and the gathering together of the waters called he Seas: and God saw that [it was] good.

  11. And God said, Let the earth bring forth grass, the herb yielding seed, [and] the fruit tree yielding fruit after his kind, whose seed [is] in itself, upon the earth: and it was so.

  12. And the earth brought forth grass, [and] herb yielding seed after his kind, and the tree yielding fruit, whose seed [was] in itself, after his kind: and God saw that [it was] good.

    The plants and trees get created before the sun gets created. How does photosynthesis work without a sun?

  13. And the evening and the morning were the third day.

  14. And God said, Let there be lights in the firmament of the heaven to divide the day from the night; and let them be for signs, and for seasons, and for days, and years:

  15. And let them be for lights in the firmament of the heaven to give light upon the earth: and it was so.

  16. And God made two great lights; the greater light to rule the day, and the lesser light to rule the night: [he made] the stars also.

    Finally, we have a sun.
    Behold his infallible creation that gives you sunburns and metastatic melanoma. Behold!
    The lesser light (the moon) is not a light source, but a reflection of the sun light.

    The creation of billions of galaxies and trillions of stars takes up a few words. The creation of stars constitutes 99.999% of the known universe. One would think that the creation of the stars would have totally exhausted God.

    This is the line in Genesis that most shows the crass ignorance of the religious goat herders and their stupid followers..

  17. And God set them in the firmament of the heaven to give light upon the earth,

  18. And to rule over the day and over the night, and to divide the light from the darkness: and God saw that [it was] good.

  19. And the evening and the morning were the fourth day.

  20. And God said, Let the waters bring forth abundantly the moving creature that hath life, and fowl [that] may fly above the earth in the open firmament of heaven.

  21. And God created great whales, and every living creature that moveth, which the waters brought forth abundantly, after their kind, and every winged fowl after his kind: and God saw that [it was] good.

  22. And God blessed them, saying, Be fruitful, and multiply, and fill the waters in the seas, and let fowl multiply in the earth.

    One minute after creating all living creatures, the living creatures immediately started eating each other as living creatures do.

  23. And the evening and the morning were the fifth day.

  24. And God said, Let the earth bring forth the living creature after his kind, cattle, and creeping thing, and beast of the earth after his kind: and it was so.

  25. And God made the beast of the earth after his kind, and cattle after their kind, and every thing that creepeth upon the earth after his kind: and God saw that [it was] good.

    More living creatures being created.

  26. And God said, Let us make man in our image, after our likeness: and let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over the cattle, and over all the earth, and over every creeping thing that creepeth upon the earth.

    In ....our image ...... not ......my image. How many Gods are there?

    If man was to have dominion over the other creatures, God must have given them weapons to hunt and kill the living creatures who were supposed to multiply.

  27. So God created man in his [own] image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them.

    In Genesis 1, both man and woman are created together.

    Did God have testicles and a penis? How about legs and arms?
    How else would he know how to create man?
    If he had legs, what does God walk on?

    I guess God also had little titties (breasts) since we (men and women) have breasts.

  28. And God blessed them, and God said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it: and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over every living thing that moveth upon the earth.

    The big Garden of Eden Dinosaur Hunt To Extinction begins.

  29. And God said, Behold, I have given you every herb bearing seed, which [is] upon the face of all the earth, and every tree, in the which [is] the fruit of a tree yielding seed; to you it shall be for meat.

    Thank you God for giving us marijuana to smoke.
    Thank you for the poison ivy/oak/sumac, etc....

  30. And to every beast of the earth, and to every fowl of the air, and to every thing that creepeth upon the earth, wherein [there is] life, [I have given] every green herb for meat: and it was so.

    God makes a lot of cool grass to delicious meat converters. I especially like the grass to sirloin steak converter called the cow and the grass to bacon converter called the pig.

  31. And God saw every thing that he had made, and, behold, [it was] very good. And the evening and the morning were the sixth day.

At this point, the omnipotent god was exhausted and had to rest.

In this version, obviously written by yet another friend of God with a different perspective, man gets created first, from dirt.

  1. Thus the heavens and the earth were finished, and all the host of them.

  2. And on the seventh day God ended his work which he had made; and he rested on the seventh day from all his work which he had made.

  3. And God blessed the seventh day, and sanctified it: because that in it he had rested from all his work which God created and made.

  4. These are the generations of the heavens and of the earth when they were created, in the day that the LORD God made the earth and the heavens,

  5. And every plant of the field before it was in the earth, and every herb of the field before it grew: for the LORD God had not caused it to rain upon the earth, and there was not a man to till the ground.

  6. But there went up a mist from the earth, and watered the whole face of the ground.

  7. And the LORD God formed man of the dust of the ground, and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life; and man became a living soul.

  8. And the LORD God planted a garden eastward in Eden; and there he put the man whom he had formed.

  9. And out of the ground made the LORD God to grow every tree that is pleasant to the sight, and good for food; the tree of life also in the midst of the garden, and the tree of knowledge of good and evil.

  10. And a river went out of Eden to water the garden; and from thence it was parted, and became into four heads.

  11. The name of the first is Pison: that is it which compasseth the whole land of Havilah, where there is gold;

  12. And the gold of that land is good: there is bdellium and the onyx stone.

    So God invented the Gold standard. Like me, He was not impressed with the concept of fiat currency.

  13. And the name of the second river is Gihon: the same is it that compasseth the whole land of Ethiopia.

  14. And the name of the third river is Hiddekel: that is it which goeth toward the east of Assyria. And the fourth river is Euphrates.

  15. And the LORD God took the man, and put him into the garden of Eden to dress it and to keep it.

  16. And the LORD God commanded the man, saying, Of every tree of the garden thou mayest freely eat:

    Don't forget the marijuana!

  17. But of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, thou shalt not eat of it: for in the day that thou eatest thereof thou shalt surely die.

    After being fooled by a talking serpent, Eve ate from it and did not die. Perhaps she became a whore later, but she did not die. Had she not eaten, and we would not die, this world would be so overpopulated.

  18. And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.

  19. And out of the ground the LORD God formed every beast of the field, and every fowl of the air; and brought them unto Adam to see what he would call them: and whatsoever Adam called every living creature, that was the name thereof.

  20. And Adam gave names to all cattle, and to the fowl of the air, and to every beast of the field; but for Adam there was not found an help meet for him.

    A lot of name calling went on here but I'm pretty sure the field of entomology was delayed for a few thousand years because there were millions of insect types.

  21. And the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and he slept: and he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof;

  22. And the rib, which the LORD God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man.

    And you thought Oedipus had a problem? Adam was Eve's mother.

    The concept of misogyny begins. Thank you God!
    The two of them observed the monkeys and then immediately made hot monkey love.

  23. And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.

  24. Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.

  25. And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed.

    No reason to be ashamed unless they were already obese or were made ugly (had SAD: severe appearance deficit).

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