One day, I was reading this dusty old book.

It's called the Bible.

I'm having difficulty getting past the first line.

Genesis 1:1
In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth.

(It was not a Bulwer-Lytton winner)
Lookee here! Something from nothing! The first Poof!
Just like The Big Bang.

Matthew 24:35
Heaven and earth shall pass away, but my words shall not pass away.

Doesn't go into any details.

  • Who is this God character?

  • Where was God before the beginning?

    What lies outside the heavens and the earth?

    In the beginning was not really the real beginning. After all, God was present before that he claimed was the beginning.

  • If he was an omnipotent god, he could create omnipotent clones of himself and more pesky universes.

  • How long had he been there before the beginning

  • Was he all alone?

    Not if he cloned himself. Omnipotence gives you mitosis.

  • How do we know God is a man?
    Did someone see testicles and a big ass penis?

  • Who created God?

  • Who created his creator?

  • How far away was God when he created his ant farm?
    He had to protect himself from the energy caused by fusion.

  • And by the way, What is a God?

    A single creature beyond the Kardashev scale ? Nonsense! Total nonsense!

  • How many gods are there?

  • Why do people even need a god? To what purpose? Merely to be slaves? Please nigger. Nigger, please!

  • Is this the religious big bang?

    Just like the big bang, it was not big and there was no one to hear it anyway. No one cared.

    This act of creating this earth and heavens requires a massive amount of fusion to create all these atoms that make up our little flat earth.

  • If the religious big bang did not create light, then God was working in total darkness since he had yet to create light. One cannot see in total darkness.

  • Where did God find all this mass of stuff?

    Obviously, outside the heavens and the earth.

    How big is that area?

  • At this point, where is evil, the devil or Satan?

    Why must there be evil?

It should have been written as:

Genesis 1:1
Once upon a time, God created the heavens and the earth.

Biblical event Year/Description
Curse 4004 BC, 10 days after creation
Noah's Flood 2348 BC
Tower of Babel 2242 BC
Egypt begins After 2242 but prior to Abraham going to Egypt
Call of Abraham 1922 BC
Ice Age Peak 1848 BC
Time of the Judges (Moses) 1481 BC
Time of the Kings (Saul) 1095 BC
Split kingdom 975 BC
Christ was born 5 BC

Send comments to: