One day, I was reading this dusty old book.

It's called the Bible.

I'm having difficulty getting past the first line.

Genesis 1:1
In the beginning, god created the heavens and the earth.

If there is a single sentence in the bible that needs a little more clarity, this is the winning entry.

(It was not a Bulwer-Lytton winner)
Lookee here! Something from nothing! The first Poof!
Just like The Big Bang.

Heaven and earth shall pass away, but my words shall not pass away.
Matthew 24:35

Doesn't go into any details.

  • Why is this line being written in the third person?
  • Who is this god character?

  • Where was god before the beginning?
    Did time not exist before the beginning?

    What lies outside the heavens and the earth?

    In the beginning was not really the real beginning. After all, god was present before that he claimed was the beginning.

  • Making a claim that god is not omnipotent implies that there is a more omnipotent creature out there. god is then a member of the chorus.

  • If he was an omnipotent god, he could create omnipotent clones of himself and more pesky universes.

  • If he was omniscient, then
    1. he knew of every single event in the past/present/future timestream.
    2. he knew that the serpent would tempt Eve,
    3. he knew Eve would accept the temptation,
    4. it seems very strange that god was unable to find Adam and Eve after Eve ate the apple and
      to call out to Adam and Eve hiding in the garden because they felt shame

  • How long had he been there before the beginning

  • Was he all alone?

    Not if he cloned himself. Omnipotence gives you mitosis.

  • How do we know god is a man?
    Did someone see testicles and a big ass penis?

  • Who created god?

  • Who created his creator?

  • How far away was god when he created his ant farm?
    He had to protect himself from the energy caused by fusion.

  • And by the way, What is a god?

    A single creature beyond the Kardashev scale ? Nonsense! Total nonsense!

  • How many gods are there?

  • Why do people even need a god? To what purpose?

    To save us from what? Ourselves?

    Merely to be slaves? Please nigger. Nigger, please!

  • Is this the religious big bang?

    Just like the big bang, it was not big and there was no one to hear it anyway. No one cared.

    This act of creating this earth and heavens requires a massive amount of fusion to create all these atoms that make up our little flat earth.

  • If the religious big bang did not create light, then god was working in total darkness since he had yet to create light. One cannot see in total darkness.

  • Where did god find all this mass of stuff?

    Obviously, outside the heavens and the earth.

    How big is that area?

  • At this point, where is evil, the devil or Satan?

    Why must there be evil?

It should have been written as:

Genesis 1:1

Please note that as soon as you accept the concept of a god, any god, you are in the Looney Tunes Land in a dark corner of the Twilight Zone.

You may notice that a god is never actually defined. A god merely is and always has been ...

Now you are free to add new creatures and events into your story, like:

Biblical event Year/Description
Curse 4004 BC, 10 days after creation
Noah's Flood 2348 BC
Tower of Babel 2242 BC
Egypt begins After 2242 but prior to Abraham going to Egypt
Call of Abraham 1922 BC
Ice Age Peak 1848 BC
Time of the Judges (Moses) 1481 BC
Time of the Kings (Saul) 1095 BC
Split kingdom 975 BC
Christ was born 5 BC

In the Beginning, BigBang created the heavens and the earth.

And the universe was without form, and void, except for a hot, dense mass.

And BigBang said, let there be quarks and electrons... and there were quarks and electrons. This was the first day.

And BigBang said, let there be protons and neutrons, and there were protons and neutrons. This was the second day.

And BigBang said, let there be atomic nuclei, and there were atomic nuclei. This was the third day.

And BigBang said, let there be electrons orbiting the nuclei, and it was so, and there were atoms. This was the fourth day.

And BigBang said, let there be helium and hydrogen, and there were helium and hydrogen. This was the fifth day.

And BigBang said, let there be supernovae, and there were supernovae. This was the sixth day.

And on the seventh day, BigBang rested and saw that it was good.


Send comments to: