This is an interesting story starting at Genesis 6:5. A pious man called Noah who had no previous shipbuilding experience and only three sons and their wives to help him build one. Together, they built the largest ship ever built in human history to house untold number of animals and their food supply (Genesis 7:23) because his stupid God regretted making puny weak humans.

According to biblical time frames, this event took place about 1,656 years after creation. Men lived for about 900 years back then. Draw your own conclusions. During this time, since creation, not a single school or hospital had been built. Up to this time, there had been no reference to rain in any biblical story.

Noah, a 500 year old man and his three 100+ year old sons, with no modern tools or electricity, built the largest wooden ship ever (Genesis 6-9) Presumably they used metal axes for tree chopping, but there are no references to metal use at this point or how metals came to be.

If he had any day labor help, he probably did not bother to tell them that they were about to die.

Then along comes God, the genocidal maniac, who floods the world and killed, intentionally, every man, woman, and child on the planet save eight of them.

Kiss your wicked and evil asses goodbye

Kentucky Noah's Ark sues insurance company over damage caused by heavy rains

Praise Be to your Genocidal Maniac

Praise Be to your Genocidal Maniac

My guess is that you have to be a bonafide moron to worship a genocidal maniac. Have you considered worshipping Mao Tse-Tung or Joseph Stalin?

The story of Noah is appalling. God took a dim view of humans, so he (with the exception of one family) drowned the lot of them including the children and also for good measure, the rest of the (presumably blameless) animals as well.

Why did god need Noah to save the blameless animals when he could have just re-created them, as in Genesis?

It would seem that God's omnipotent powers are diminishing.

You'd think an omnipotent omniscient being could have been more selective in killing the evil people with a selective heart attack here, a lightning bolt there, a stroke over there, an accidental decapitation here, a small asteroid collision way over there..... etc.....

The story of Noah's Ark was copied almost word for word from the much older Sumerian Epic of Atrahasis. What this really means is that our true ruler is the supreme sky god, Anu.

You might want to pull your head out of your ass at this point.

  • How did Noah round up the millions of different types of flying insects, flying birds and small critters that live underground into the ark?

  • How did he stop the flying animals from flying away from the ark during the day or night?

  • How did Noah prevent these animals from devouring each other as they do in nature?

  • Did every animal species really live within walking distance of Noah's ark?

And of every living thing of all flesh, two of every sort shalt thou bring into the ark, to keep them alive with thee; they shall be male and female. Of fowls after their kind, and of cattle after their kind, of every creeping thing of the earth after his kind, two of every sort shall come unto thee, to keep them alive.
          Genesis 6:19-20

This says that all the dinosaurs were rounded up and placed on the ark. There is nothing said about the dinosaurs being excluded. How did Noah round up the dinosaurs? How come they all died?

Of every clean beast thou shalt take to thee by sevens, the male and his female: and of beasts that are not clean by two, the male and his female. Of fowls also of the air by sevens, the male and the female; to keep seed alive upon the face of all the earth.
          Genesis 7:2-3

I guess Noah physically inspected each animal to verify it's sex and we can only hope that none of the animals were gay and had no desire to reproduce with the opposite sex.

Why do you find all the penguins (every single one) down in Antartica and nowhere else? How did they get there so fast and not a one settled somewhere else.

Why do you find kangaroos only in Australia and nowhere else? How did they get across the water barrier?

Did Noah have sex with his daughters in law.

Did Noah's wife bear any of her grandchildren?

It's certain that Noah's children practiced incest. They had to.

Did God really have to kill everybody except Noah and his wife and children? Don't you love it when your loving god kills all the little laughing children to satisfy his genocidal lust?

The Altitude Problem (unexplained)

As the rains fell, the ark rose higher than any mountain on earth. The atmosphere rose over five miles and some atmosphere was lost in space as the earth rotates. There are over 100 mountains over 23,622 feet high .

The story is suggesting that the amount of water on the planet tripled or quadrupled. And where did it all drain afterwards?

The religious zealots will tell you that the mountains were all much shorter then and rose significantly due to the flood waters receding.

Tectonic plate shift is not well understood by the religious zealots.

Mt. Everest, 29,042 feet high

Salt Water / Fresh Water Fish Problem (unexplained)

Fresh water fishes cannot survive in salt water since they lack the capability to handle the salt intake (salinity tolerance) on their gills.

When the Ark landed, how did the fish get to fresh water so quickly and survive in fresh water. Did they simply evolve into fresh water fish very quickly.

The Insect/Bird Life Problem (unexplained)

Given that there are tens of thousands different bird types and hundreds of thousands of insect types, how did they all survive even if they were all the on the ark? The elevation and temperatures would certainly have killed them. This must be covered by super-evolution.

Many species, including fruit flies, have very short lives, and the original pair would not have survived the trip, making it necessary for reproduction while on the ark in order for the species to survive. If you have ever bred fruit flies (take a genetics class) you will know that a fruit fly is sexually active within 5 hours of hatching. Their generation times are very short. By the end of the 40 days and 40 nights (not to mention the time waiting for the waters to recede), the ark would have been filled from one end to the other with annoying fruit flies. Therefore, either they routinely sprayed insecticide around the ark to keep these, and other similar species, in control; put up fly paper; or else these species evolved quickly after departure from the ark.

Do religious zealots ever visit nature museums with those insect displays showing the huge diversity of insect life? Famed biologoist E.O. Wilson once estimated that the number of insects on earth is around ten quintillion. That's 1.4 billion insects per human being on Earth. If they were not constantly eaten, there would be many more.

The Plant Life Underwater Problem (unexplained)

If the flood covered the world for a year, we can clearly conclude that all plant life was killed. This raises some nasty questions as to how it came back to life. If God did not bring it back, then Noah and his sons must have gathered the seeds of millions of different plants all over the planet and had them stored on the Ark. That must have been quite a project in itself. Did no one ask any questions like Hey Noah, how come you gathering all these seeds? Is something up? Of course, the animals could not eat these seeds since they were needed for the second genesis.

Then Noah and his sons and wives had to go back and plant the seeds all over the planet at all latitudes and longtitudes before releasing all the animals. Then the plants had to grow enough to be able to feed the animals just released from the Ark.

There seems to be a serious time warp in Genesis 9:20-21.
Genesis 9:20: Noah, a man of the soil, proceeded to plant a vineyard.

Genesis 9:21: When he drank some of its wine, he became drunk...

Of course, the religious fanatics will tell you that photosynthetis works fine under 5,000-25,000 feet of water. It's the miracle of God! By the way, where did all that water go?

End of Noah's flood: 2343 BC

There are trees that are older than that, and strangely enough, the Egyptian pyramids were built around that time. I guess Noah and his sons built the pyramids.

Feeding and Caring for all animals (unexplained)

Imagine trying to run the entire Bronx Zoo with just eight employees. Now consider that Noah's leaky tub, by even the most forgiving estimates, would have to have had far more kinds of animals (including dinosaurs, which creationists believe existed simultaneously with humans, a la the Flintstones). Imagine how much feeding, watering, and manure-carrying that would be. Imagine all this frenetic activity taking place in the cramped, dark, foul-smelling confines of a wooden boat, with predators and prey side-by-side in narrow pens, during the most violent and catastrophic storm in the history of the planet, with an absolute requirement that not a single animal get sick or die. Now try not to laugh too hard at the people who seriously believe all this really happened.

How many ants were provided to feed the ant eaters? Only two?

The original origin/deluge story dates back to 1620 BCE and has been passed on to make the Noah's Ark story.

At the end of the flood, Noah sent out a dove and the dove came in to him in the evening; and, lo, in her mouth was an olive leaf pluckt off: so Noah knew that the waters were abated from off the earth.
Genesis 8:11

Apparently olive trees grow underwater and do not require photosynthesis.

And Noah builded an altar unto the LORD; and took of every clean beast, and of every clean fowl, and offered burnt offerings on the altar.
Genesis 8:20

To thank the lord, Noah toasted a few animals and birds as an offering to a god that loves the smell and taste of cooked meat. Everybody loves a good Barbeque.

We will never know which species were sacrificed and were never again seen on this earth. Way to go, god.

This was the opportunity to toast the two mosquitoes on the ark. The opportunity was lost.

Super Evolution (unexplained)

Now, the creationists are supporting the concept of super evolution to cling to their precious Noah's Ark story. They super evolution theory states that Noah only brought a limited set of animals on board the ark, the animals evolved very quickly after they were released from the ark (even if there was no plant life for them to eat). All the animals at all levels evolved quickly in the last 4,000 years into the millions of different species that exist today.

Lastly, the Egyptians and the Chinese civilizations that were operating back in 2300 BC have no such records of any flooding.

It should seem obvious that Noah and his son built the pyramids, although no records were kept by Noah and his sons.

According to my old sunday school teacher, who was a submariner in WW2, Noah patroled the great seas in his dreadnaught torpedoeing any and all vessels he could find with total disregard to the Geneva convention. With 16 inch radar ranging guns, he was able to conserve his torpedoes for capital ships that were ferrying supplies and sinners to safe outposts like Hawaii and Fargo, North Dakota. Having achieved total air and sea domination, he sent out a pair of F -15 strike eagles to search for a deep water port in which to anchor and resupply after a 40 day battle deployment. Unfortunately while steaming for a suitable port, he ran aground on mount Yasser Arrafat in what is now present day Palestine. After unloading his cargo of every pair of animal and insect onto terra firma, Noah reviewed his manifest with customs officials, and to his horror discovered that he had indeed brought mosquitoes and termites into the new ethnically cleansed world. In a strange twist of fate, while on the beach getting his tan back, Noah was bitten by one of the mosquitoes he had unknowingly saved from the great flood, and contracted Dengue fever which lead to his eventual demise. True story!

This story is clearly false, the F-15 is not carrier rated. Now, if it had been F-18s or F-14s, that would have been something I could have believed...

The relentless message to visitors to Ark Encounter is that our world is as fallen and wicked as Noah's, and that the destruction of the flood including the obliteration of all humans (including babies) other than a virtuous few was not just acceptable but praiseworthy.

If you're ever feeling stupid, just remember that there are grown adults who literally believe two penguins walked all the way from Antarctica to the Middle East in order to board a ship built by a 500 year old man.

Earth population in 5000 BCE - 30 to 50 million human beings. Estimates of the # of women pregnant at any given moment in a world w/o birth control is about 2.5%. Assuming an Earth population of 50 million at the time of the Great Flood, this means God killed 625,000 (evil) fetuses. On purpose.

Noah's Ark, a tale accepted as fact in the Abrahamic faiths, does not stand up to even the slightest scrutiny. Here is everything I can think of, that makes the Noah's Ark story not only a complete impossibility, but incompetently inconsistent.

To start, God claims "man's wickedness was widespread on the earth and that every scheme his mind thought of was nothing but evil all the time."

Not only is this the most extreme of generalizations-they are ALL corrupt and evil, even in their thoughts, besides Noah and his family? Noah and company learned proper morals and behavior in a total vacuum? And didn't have any friends at all? Where did he learn the art of shipbuilding, and of all the tools and concepts necessary for crafting one? From those "wicked" humans, who must've utilized teamwork? So, not only is this a wildly extreme condemnation, but how-with this display-is God himself not corrupt and mad with power? It's like a school shooter declaring themselves the arbiter of justice.

If "every creature had corrupted its way on the earth", wouldn't each pair of animals saved still carry that same corruption within them? Or did there just-so-happen to exist seven righteous pairs of clean animals, and two righteous pairs of the unclean-an oddly precise amount?

Who built this ark? 450 feet long, with three decks? It's extremely unlikely they would've had any help-as no one else was selected to survive. That leaves his wife, his three sons, and their wives. Eight people in all. Eight people to build the thing? Eight people to shepherd all those animals, and half-a-year's food for everyone involved, aboard? Eight people to take care of the feeding and cleaning for what must have been well over 100 animals (and that's low-balling it)? I'm just not seeing it. Imagine the stink. Imagine dealing with unruly animals that would have had very little room to move about. And would simple gopher wood really keep them all in place?

God's final count for the pairs (seven pairs of the clean, seven pairs of the birds, two pairs of the unclean) is given only seven days before the flood. And what about sealife, or land animals that can survive in water? If all life on Earth is corrupted, that's a pretty huge omission to make. Everything else is sentenced to death, but sealife gets the free pass? This "God" is a bumbling idiot.

Noah disembarks, and the first thing he does is make burnt offerings out of "every kind of clean animal and every kind of clean bird". God finds the aroma "pleasing". ...That's just disgusting. And these two are considered "righteous", and "blameless"? It gets worse.

God's "covenant" is as good as nothing:

"Never again will every creature be wiped out by the waters of a flood. There will never again be a flood to destroy the earth."

"Water will never again become a flood to destroy every creature. [...] This is the sign of the covenant that I have confirmed between Me and every creature on earth."

God keeps his options for destruction and genocide wide-open, by repeatedly stating within his "covenant", that only the use of a flood is off-limits. This is a promise that is as good as nothing.

The next story about this most-righteous man, Noah, calls into question both his morals, and God's judgment of character. In Genesis 9, Noah gets drunk off wine and randomly takes all of his clothing off, before falling asleep. One son, Ham, tells his brothers, who proceed to cover Noah with a cloak, without looking.

Noah is enraged upon waking, and curses not Ham-but Ham's son, Canaan-to be "the lowest of slaves to his brothers". This is the "blameless" man God picked to be the sole human inheritor of the Earth?

Noah's "family records". All people mentioned died post-flood, so evidence ought to exist. Noah lived to be almost an entire millennium old-950 years. And Shem's age was 600, upon death. Noah's descendants continued living to ludicrously lengthy ages, and yet, there has never been any human being, or hominid-like creature, discovered whose age even comes close to these figures. These "records" also do not list a single wife or daughter's name. No women are listed, at all. Period. ZERO. It speaks as if men father children themselves, all on their own.

Beyond the "family records", the story also gives exact dimensions for the ark, and exact dates of departure ("the six hundredth year of Noah's life, in the second month, on the seventeenth day of the month") and landing ("the seventh month, on the seventeenth day of the month, on the mountains of Ararat"), so no-this story is not a metaphor. It's clearly positioned to be taken as literal history.

Only one man's story, and it's stuffed to the gills with despicably questionable content. Most of the major stories and figures in the Bible fare no better.

Next up! Abraham, chosen and blessed by God above all others-is a rich slaveholder who rapes his wife's slave to have his first child. The slave, escaping the couple's torment, is found by an "angel of the Lord", who tells her: "You must go back to your mistress and submit to her mistreatment."

That God -so incorruptible and righteous, isn't He?

Send comments to: