The very basis of what we call Christianity versus Judaism comes about from the biblical quotation in John 14:6.

Jesus said unto him, I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man comes unto the Father, but by me

Note that Jesus's Father was the jewish tyrant god, Yahweh. Jesus was circumcised as was the jewish custom at the time. As a teenager, Jesus appears in the temple of his father. Jesus did not approach the gentiles (non-believers). The Old Testament wants disobedient children dead (Deuteronomy 21:20-21). Finally, Jesus reminds us that the Mosaic laws still stand .

So why is Jesus not a jew?

Take note that Jesus, like Moses and Mohammed did not know how to read, write or rithmetic. despite coming from an all powerful diety.

You have to accept the Adam and Eve story because that is the source of Original Sin.

If you believe in Jesus as part of God, you are a trinitarian Christian.

If you believe in Jesus as a prophet but not his divinity, you may be a unitarian Christian

Jesus is God's only begotten son? This is the same God that created the universe, Earth and man. God is omnipotent, omniscient and creator of everything? Then he could easily clone a thousand Jesus'es from mere dirt in any moment.

Genesis 6:4 (remember the Nephilims) seems to clearly state that God had many sons who would leave Heaven and fuck earth women. Then God considered them as evil and created the great flood to kill all of them. Some people believe that they lived after the flood because

  1. they clung to the bottom of Noahs Ark (and occasionally nibbled on God's animal supply in the ark),
  2. they were very good swimmers and found plenty of food from all the carcasses floating,
  3. they developed gills, or
  4. they developed into whales.

Why would God need to rape an earth woman (his own mother) to bear a son who is himself? He made trillions of suns (stars), why not just whip up a million sons.

If Jesus is God then he is presumably omnipotent and omniscient. If this is true, then when he allowed himself to be sacrificed, didn't he do this with the knowledge that he was immortal? If so, then how exactly was it a sacrifice for him? What did he sacrifice?

He sacrificed himself to himself in order to save us from what he'd do to us if he didn't.

Christopher Hitchens noted that it's only with gentle Jesus, meek and mild, that the idea of eternal torture of Hell for minor transgressions is introduced.

Remember, Hell is worse than North Korean prisoner camps, it's eternal torture.

If Jesus was born of a virgin mother, and He didn't have a father to give him a Y chromosome

It's funny how believers can quote "Jesus loves you" scriptures all day long but as soon as an atheist quotes something rather nasty from that same bible you're told you gotta be a PhD in Ancient Middle Eastern Anthropology and fluent in both Hebrew and Aramaic in order to properly understand the text

Like Father, Like Son

The Annunciation (March 25) is documented in Luke 1:31 and is the announcement by the angel Gabriel that she would conceive the son of God.

Joseph never consumated his relationship with Mary?

In the Ten Commandments, the seventh commandment is Thou shalt not commit adultery.

Who was Mary's gynocologist?

Jesus was the illegitimate son of the Holy Ghost If you consider Jesus to be God, then he took away his own mother's virginity.

The concept of The Immaculate Conception became official catholic dogma in 1854 and means that the alleged virgin Mary herself was born without the stain of Original Sin.

Like any pedophile, God encountered his mother to be, virgin Mary while he was trolling around looking for a likely virginal victim. He just wanted a sex doll that no one else had touched. He wanted her fresh out of the bag with that new child smell .

The Holy Ghost then rapes the virgin Mary, committing adultery (or was this artificial insemination by an alien being). If she was born without sin, then her subsequent rape by the Holy Ghost had been planned for well over 14 years and was clearly premeditated rape.

By the way, we have all been convicted of Original Sin upon birth. Don't like the conviction? Take it up with the judge.

Science has yet to create a detergent tough enough to wash away your stain of Original Sin

Original Sin is given to you free of charge) as an imaginary disease so that they can sell you an imaginary cure.

God impregnated his own mother to give birth to his son who is himself.

Furthermore, since Jesus was God's only begotten son, then Jesus's crucifixion was known beforehand by the heavenly forces and was pre-planned. Jesus knew he was on a suicide mission

What kind of shennanigans occured in order that the virgin Mary was born without Original Sin. Were her parents also raped by alien forces from Heaven? It's all so confusing.

If we are children of God, and Jesus is God's only begotten son, then it's clear that the rest of us are girls.

In the bible. Jesus makes three appearances. At his birth, at the temple in prepubescent years, and lastly, in the last year or two of his life.

Did Jesus ever have sex or did he die a virgin? If he had sex, did any young virgin get pregnant through Jesus. Perhaps it was some cheap slut.

What kind of deranged moron would accept a religion whose main symbol is a guy nailed to a cross?

Jesus never spoke out against slavery.

The foreskin of Jesus Christ is a christian relic. Known as the Holy Prepuce, or Holy Foreskin, it was claimed to have miraculous powers attributed to it. Up to 18 different foreskins were claimed to be the Holy Prepuce in various European towns.

Mark 8:22-26
Jesus heals a blind man in Bethsaida by spreading saliva on his eyes.

Mark 7:31-37
Jesus heals a deaf man with a speech impediment by placing his fingers in the man's ears, spitting on his hand and touching the man's tongue.

John 9:1-12
Jesus heals a blind man by spitting on the ground, forming a muddy paste in his hands and spreading the mixture on the man's eyes.

Jesus triumphantly enters Jerusalem

Aside from the twelve male apostles, we are given another hint that Jesus might have been gay in Mark 14:51-52

If Jesus had two dads, why can't anyone else have two dads.

Jesus was a cross dresser.
         George Carlin

If the Bible says that If Christ died for our sins, everybody should start sinning more to make his death worthwhile. Read the Ten Commandments and go forth and violate each and every one. Let's get more into drunkenness, debauchery, pedophelia, coveting and killing.

You might note however that Christ never died since he was resurrected.
Christ was merely inconvenienced for three days.

Do you realize that there have been more eyewitness claims for seeing Sasquatch (Big Foot) than eyewitness claims of the ressurection of Jesus. All of us know that the Virgin Mary is seen quite frequently all over the world.

According to Christians, Jesus was God, and he was physically on the earth and he was circumcised as was the custom. As a young teenager he was teaching the laws of the Old Testament in the temple of his father, Yahweh, and as an adult, Jesus avoided the gentiles (non-believers).

Further more in Matthew 5:17, Jesus clearly states

Do not think that I have come to abolish the Law or the Prophets; I have not come to abolish them but to fulfill them. For truly I tell you, until heaven and earth disappear, not the smallest letter, not the least stroke of a pen, will by any means disappear from the Law until everything is accomplished.

There is no repudiation of his belief in everything from the old testament.

If the scriptures were wrong in their portrayal of God, Jesus would have emphatically proclaimed this fact to his followers and whoever else would listen.

The custom of using Christmas trees can be dated back to the 16th century. By now, literally billions of trees have been decimated to celebrate the birth of this imaginary figure called Jesus Christ whose fragmented life is only described in the New Testament of the bible.

I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a guy nailed to two pieces of wood.

The date of Jesus's death was determined nearly 300 years after his alleged death in the Nicene Conference .

One day, a Pope Leo considered the issue of the virgin Mary as the mother of God and why the new testament never said anything about what happened to her when she died, so he made up the concept of The Ascension. This is the notion that Mary was so important that she had to have ascended into Heaven to join her son, Jesus. Now, The Ascension is part of their stupid belief system.

If Jesus had been killed in a gas chamber, Christians would wear tiny little gas chambers around their neck.

If Jesus had been killed by an axe, Christians would wear tiny little axes around their neck?

You know his name wasn't really Jesus Christ, right?

Jesus is just the greek translation for Yeshua, which translates from Hebrew to Joshua. But his name wasn't Joshua Christ either, since either of his parents weren't Joseph and Mary Christ. So, it's really not blasphemy to say Jesus Christ because it's not taking the right name in vain.

Was Jesus a rabble rousing, rogue rabbi?

Liar, Lunatic, Lord or .... Legend.

A few words about the Great Sacrifice that alledgedly took place on Good Friday.
Jesus died, came back to life after three days, and went home to be with Dad and Mom.
God lost nothing, Jesus lost nothing, and you gained nothing. Happy Easter!

Christians make a big deal out jesus being resurrected but never seem to mention the other 10 times in the bible it happened.

1 . Widow of Zarephath’s son 1 Kings 17:17–24

(Raised by Elijah)

2 . Shunamite’s son 2 Kings 4:20–37

(Raised by Elisha)

3 . Man tossed into Elisha’s tomb 2 Kings 13:21

(Raised by God)

4 . Widow of Nain’s son Luke 7:11–17

(Raised by Jesus)

5 . Jairus’ daughter Mark 5:35–43

(Raised by Jesus)

6 . Lazarus John 11:1–44

(Raised by Jesus)

7 . Tabitha (also known as Dorcas) Acts 9:36–41

(Raised by Peter)

8 . Eutychus Acts 20:7–12

(Raised by Paul)

9 . Those resurrected at Jesus’ crucifixion Matthew 27:51-53

(Raised by God)

10 . Moses Jude 1:9

It really doesn't seem like a resurrection is that big a deal 189 comments

"Uh Joseph you know how we've never made love..."
"Yeah (aggravated tone)"
"Well, last night an angel visited me and now I'm pregnant..."
"Jesus Christ!"
"Oh you already know about him'

Given that extramarital sex was sometimes punishable by death, "uuhhhh, it's God's kid!" sounds like a last ditch effort to avoid some unfortunate business.

I'm keeping this baby! If it means I have to tell people I fucked God himself, so help me

Jesus: My mother was a virgin when she gave birth to me.
Man: Yeah, that's why three random dudes showed up at your birth with gifts.

Nobody talks about Jesus' miracle of having 12 close male friends in his thirties.

What's the difference between the real Jesus and a picture of Jesus?
It only takes one nail to hang up the picture.

So Jesus walks in a motel, puts 3 nails on the counter, and asks the manager "can you put me up for the night?"

What do women and Jesus have in common?
A second coming.

What do men and Jesus have in common?
They always brag about a second coming but it never happens.

God sacrificed himself, to himself, to save humanity from himself.

E I E I O,
B I N G O,
And Jesus was his name-o!
With a save save here and a save save there,
Here a save there a save everywhere a save save...

If Jesus Christ was real they wouldn't have called it a crucifixion...
They would have called it a crucifact.

Christians believe a snake talked to the first woman who was made from a rib, that a virgin gave birth to a divine child who later fed 5,000 people with 5 loaves and 2 fish & later rose from the dead.

Matthew 34 through 39 sums up Jesus's loving and peaceful nature rather well

Matthew 10:34-39 New International Version (NIV)

34 "Do not suppose that I have come to bring peace to the earth. I did not come to bring peace, but a sword. 35 For I have come to turn "a man against his father, a daughter against her mother, a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law- 36 a man's enemies will be the members of his own household.'[a] 37 "Anyone who loves their father or mother more than me is not worthy of me; anyone who loves their son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me. 38 Whoever does not take up their cross and follow me is not worthy of me. 39 Whoever finds their life will lose it, and whoever loses their life for my sake will find it."

More or less Jesus is a hateful and narcissistic war god who encourages either martyrdom or Holy Wars depending on the reader. Religion of love and peace my ass.

In impregnating 14 year old Mary with out consent, God's behavior "an unethical abuse of power at best and grossly predatory at worst."

If you get to drown almost everybody on the planet why wouldn't you be allowed to rape somebody from time to time?

Then again, rape is usually defined as penetration without consent. I'm not sure the laws are set up to handle someone spontaneously spawning holy jizz in your fallopian tubes

Of course, the Immaculate Conception (of Mary) clearly indicates a plan to rape her. God waited patiently for 14 years to rape her.

The first time the Deity came down to earth, he brought life and death; when he came the second time, he brought hell.

The essence of Christianity

God fathered himself and sent himself to sacrifice himself to himself to save us from himself.

Christianity wants you to believe that all humanity is born deserving of unbearable suffering. But thankfully, an extra-dimensional Universe Creator had a third of himself executed so that we could experience a conspicuously opulent immortality as opposed to being set on fire forever.

The only reason that Christians have no problem with their principal symbol being an implement of torture is that they have been enculturated to accept it as a normal element of faith. When viewed outside the milieu of this preconditioned mentality, it is truly disgusting- an absolute travesty of common decency.

Death by crucifixion was the most horrifying, inhumane, cruel, savage, brutal, severe, harsh and heartless, atrocious, barbaric hellish, depraved, pitiless, unfeeling, uncompassionate way of killing a human being that was ever devised by man!

Now, we know that the first person in all of history to write about the Jesus character as described in the Bible was Paul of Tarsus. 60 years after he claimed that Jesus character had died. Nobody else at that time mentioned that Jesus character at all.

We have no tax records of him,
we have no census records of him,
we have no financial records of him,
we have no judicial records of him.
Not a single historian mentioned the name Yeshua Ben Yoseph in all of human history, until Paul of Tarsus started writing letters.
Not one.

And you think, if he was at all important, somebody would have mentioned him. one of his disciples who actually interacted with him while he was alive would have written about it in a diary or something. Considering that at the time many rabbis had people writing down their words of wisdom for posterity, it wouldn't have been uncommon.

But we don't have that. we don't have any record keeper writing down in their daily logs of what happens in their community, because that's what they had for news at the time, "yeah, that Jesus feller wandered into town today and everybody slacked off of work to listen to him talk." We don't have that period we have exactly zero references to him, until almost four generations after he was dead. Remember, very few people lived past the age of 30 at this time. And it was not uncommon for people to be married and starting their own families by the age of 15. So for 60 years to pass, four full generations, before anybody mentions this character at all, really makes it look like the character is made up. Tells everybody to listen to what Peter has to say about jesus, but the only thing we have from Peter is a couple of letters calling Paul a liar and that nobody should trust him.

So there's no evidence that he did exist, and there is evidence that the one person saying he did exist was a liar. What conclusion would you draw?

The Jesus Seminar

The Jesus Seminar was an American group of about 50 critical biblical scholars and 100 laymen founded in 1985 by Robert Funk that originated under the auspices of the Westar Institute.[1][2] The seminar was very active through the 1980s and 1990s, and into the early 21st century.

The significance of this effort is that it is the first time that Jesus's life has been objectively analyzed by a team of highly qualified reviewers. As such, it remains the best effort to date to ascertain the true historical Jesus, stripped of the myths that have been attached to him over the centuries. Although many religious leaders objected to the findings, it must be acknowledged that the level of effort, the range of resources used, and the qualifications of the reviewers lend much weight to their conclusions.

Aliens visit Earth. They come in peace and surprisingly , they speak English.

Obviously, all of the heads of government and religious leaders want to speak to the aliens so they set up a meeting with our new visitors. When it's the Pope's turn, he asks: "Do you know about our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ?"

"You mean JC?", responds the alien. "Yeah, we know him! He's the greatest, isn't he? He swings by every year to make sure that we are doing ok".

Surprised, the pope follows up with: "He visits every year?! It's been over two millennia and we're still waiting for his SECOND coming!"

The alien sees that the pope has become irate at this fact and starts trying to rationalize. "Maybe he likes our chocolate better than yours?"

The pope retorts "Chocolates? What are you talking about? What does that have to do with anything?"

The alien says "Yea, when he first visited our planet we gave him a huge box of chocolates! Why? What did you guys do?"

You telling me that nigger could walk on water, feed thousands with a loaf of bread, and raise the dead, but he couldn't handle three nails?

I know a brother that has nine bullet wounds

Eddie Griffin on Jesus

His head and his hairs were white like wool, as white as snow; and his eyes were as a flame of fire;

And his feet like unto fine brass, as if they burned in a furnace; and his voice as the sound of many waters.
Revelation 1:14-15 (only description of Jesus)

Matthew 14:27 reads 'jesus stretched out his hand", so we also know he had at least one hand, and possibly by association an arm too.
Also, the use of 'stretched' rather than 'reached' suggests he was made of rubber.

While it's reasonable to assume that Jesus and his fellow Jews in first-century Palestine would have disapproved of gay sex, there is no record of his ever having mentioned homosexuality, let alone expressed particular revulsion about it... Never in the Bible does Jesus himself offer an explicit prohibition of homosexuality.

Jesus left this hell hole 2,000 years ago to "go to the store" and you morons are still at the door waiting for daddy to come home. I'm not expecting anything anytime soon from the woo-woo man in the sky.

If Jesus had been hanged.

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